as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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