I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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