There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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