the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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