There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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