I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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