Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize