Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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