Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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