I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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