I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize