hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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