new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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