and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize