hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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