2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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