no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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