shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize