i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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