I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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