So drunk its hurt
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize