i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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