So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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