Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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