Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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