He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize