you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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