i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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