I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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