everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
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It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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