I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
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Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize