Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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