i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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