Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize