she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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