It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
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