I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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