Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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