I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The uberlube is also flammable
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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