her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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