There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
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Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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