bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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