My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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