this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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