The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize