I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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