the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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