I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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