also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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