At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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